It’s Been 6 Months Since I...
Back in late December I made a promise to myself that I was going to start meditating on a regular basis. I had been meditating on and off for maybe 8-9 years but when I say “on” I mean maybe 3-4 days a week for a couple weeks at a time and when I say “off” I mean not meditating at all for like 6 months or more.
Hardly a recipe for self-improvement.
So, January 1st rolled around and I locked in, meditating for 10-20 minutes a day for almost the entire month and it’s pretty much been the same since. I don’t keep track of time anymore and I don’t hum or sit cross-legged or anything like that, I just chill, breathe, lay there. Slow things down.
About halfway through January I decided to keep a calendar and each day I would assess how I was feeling on a scale of 1-10, 1 being a deep suicidal depression and a 10 being “win the lottery” joy and elation. I wasn’t just looking at moments, but rather a general mood that was sustained, almost like an “average score” for the day.
I would usually try and take score midday and again at night and I typically found I was consistently around a 7. Of course there were moments or parts of days where I was maybe an 8.1 or a 6.5 or whatever, but generally speaking I was a solid 7 (maybe even a 7.1).
Looking back at the calendar, there was a 48-hour window beginning March 16th and ending on the 18th where I was consistently down into 5.7-5.9 territory. I don’t know why I was feeling so low and there certainly weren’t any issues going on in my personal life to explain it, but I was in a funk for whatever reason. I remember sitting there trying to snap out of it while at the same time developing empathy for people who deal with depression, whether mild or severe.
My choice of action in the moment was to simply acknowledge the negative feelings and not beat myself up over them. The “why” didn’t matter, the fact was that I was already in the funk so I just let the feelings “be” and continued on with my regular daily meditation.
Fast forward 6 months and I can honestly say that I haven’t had a bad day since. It sounds absolutely crazy but it’s worth repeating - I haven’t had a single bad day in the last 6 months (and counting).
My normal day-to-day hasn’t really switched up that much so the only explanation points toward meditation and the fact that my days didn’t change, I did.
I still sit in the same traffic, pay the same bills, pay the same ridiculous prices for gas, have the same insecurities, wear most of the same clothes, still have moments of frustration or anger and on and on and on...but the difference now is that there’s a gap between “Me” and what is happening around “Me”.
Sometimes I still react but I’m getting quicker at noticing it so I can re-route and choose a better thought, action or response in the moment. I still have a long way to go to become the person I’m going to be, but meditation is the truth!
I should also note that I’m a passionate and enthusiastic person on a good day (ask ppl around me lol) so sometimes it may appear like I’m getting worked up over something but it’s usually just passion, not unhinged feelings that are gonna linger long after the moment passes.
Anyways, I’m probably like a 7.4 now on a day-to-day basis (up from my 7) and my personal opinion is that everyone can benefit from a regular meditation practice. However, everybody is on their own path so I would never judge someone if they said it wasn’t for them. Do you 🤘
Note: Just to go back to the depression thing - if ANYBODY ever reads this and is in a place in their lives where they just want an ear or need someone to lean on, just holler at me. Hit my dm on IG, email me, whatever. I’m here.